"Why don't you care when it's plain to see / your heart is all I need?"

Music: Jeff Darcy - Heartbreaker (G-Dragon English cover)
Mood: angry and bruised

(A metaphor for my inner turmoil?)

So, remember how I said I knew he wasn't slighting me because he hadn't been on Facebook in awhile?

Well. He was on Facebook today. I know this because he posted things on his wall. He also silently rejected my friend request.

..who does that?!

I'm trying so hard to wrap my head around this concept. I thought.. I mean, I was under the impression.. Well, wasn't he interested in me?

My ego is so bruised right now. I know I'd only met him the once, but I thought there was something there.

Did I inadvertently drive him away? Was he never interested in the first place? If he wasn't interested to begin with, why did he keep asking Rita about me at B-House, and go out of his way to drag me out of my shell? He's the one who approached me. He's the one who asked me to dance. He's the one who invited me to sit next to him outside at B-House, who took my hand when we went back inside. He's the one who had the intense look in his eyes as we danced. He's the one who told Rita I was cute, who..

Maybe he's just one of those people who doesn't add someone as a friend until they've gotten to know them a little better. Even if that's true, wouldn't you still add someone you were somewhat interested in, in order to get to know them better?

He started all of this. If he hadn't been so darn sweet and nice and cute and likable, I wouldn't had thought about him so much and gotten to this point.

God, Kara. It's been all of two days since you met him. TWO DAYS. I don't think you fell for your last crushes this quickly. In fact, I don't think you've ever fallen this quickly.

What is happening to me?

"Let's talk and we'll fill the air with imagery that lasts forever.."

Music: Azure Ray - If You Fall
Mood: over-thinking

(Visitors look around a pinwheel field at Imjingak Pyeonghoa Nuri Park in Paju, Gyeonggi Province on Sunday, the last day of the Chuseok or Korean Thanksgiving holidays. Courtesy of the Chosun Ilbo.)

My brain needs to stop going into hyperdrive right now. Seriously, STOP. I've been checking Facebook all day, hoping he's added me back. He hasn't yet, but he also doesn't appear to have been on Facebook at all since last Thursday, so I'm fairly certain he's not slighting me.

ACK. What if I'm the only one working myself up about this? Sure, he seemed interested at the party, but what if decided he wasn't interested after all after he got home, or worse, forgot all about me? Surely if he was interested, he would've jumped on Facebook and sent me a friend request. Right?

I broke down and told Laura about it over AIM, after swearing her to secrecy. Turns out they're sort-of friends (they have mutual friends, and they've eaten meals together a few times). In her words, he's "pretty adorable" and "genuinely a nice guy," which makes me slightly less nervous about having possibly misjudged him. And he's a runner, which is always a plus (I have a mild thing for runners). Although, according to her, he's "slightly shy-ish," whatever that means. Do I have to be proactive here? Do I have to go drop hints somewhere (i.e. tell Rita and let her gossip to the world) to let him know it's okay to make a move? Because that's really not my style.. I'd much prefer to just flirt whenever we're together and hope he gets the hint that way. Bah.

Laura also has a crush on a junior guy (who happens to be friends with my new crush), which is funny because she graduated this past year. I told her we were like cougars; she approved.

She's also coming into town for Halloween, which should be epic. We had a blast together last year, even though she had a broken foot at the time. This year promises to be equally awesome, largely because (a) Rita and I are gonna be dressing sexy, and (b) because all three of us have guys in mind this time around. :P Plus, Halloween falls on a Saturday this year, which means that there are going to be some craaaaaazy parties. We'll probably hit up two or three of the big ones, unless there's a smaller one going on at B-House or something. I'm hoping I run into him at one of these parties, so I can work my magic on him. I'll be looking sexy and cute, dammit! I want him to appreciate it. (I bought the costume before I met him, but now I'm glad I went with this one. Might give me an edge in the seduction, muahaha.)

Dammit. How did this change from mild interest in a sorta-cute and really nice guy to a full-fledged crush? This is what happens when I allow my brain to run unchecked.

Anyway. Parties (and boy) aside.

Our landlord came over this morning to check out our fuses. I was asleep, so Lynn handled him. He showed us where the fuse box was and got the power running again, but the heat still doesn't work. He's supposed to send someone tomorrow (today) to fix it.. I hope so, because it's ridiculously cold in every room but mine.

And now I need to churn out a quick one-page thought piece for Lutze's class tomorrow. I've been putting it off all weekend, boo.

이제부터, 그 사람을 생각 할꺼 않아요.

진짜야. 정말이야.

...그렇게 믿고 싶어요.

"Watch the sun, watch the moon, taking turns in the same sky.."

Music: Maria Taylor - Time Lapse Lifeline
Mood: confused

(We painted a version of this on our suite windows sophomore year. We were awesome.)

So today was..interesting.

Had my Korean lesson today, where we mostly talked about the places my classmates have traveled and how I need to travel while I'm still young and relatively carefree.

Afterwards, I grabbed some stuff from the library for paper-writing later and came home to eat lunch and hang out with Rita. We both decided we were sick of being so cold all the time, so we went to buy space heaters.

While we were out, we went costume shopping. Annnndddd..I totally bought a costume. I'm some sort of sexy devil or something. It's modest enough to work with my self-consciousness, while still sexy enough that I don't feel like a prude. Plus, it's red, and I look good in it. :P I can't wait for Halloween~~~

I also picked up the first season of Big Bang Theory, so Rita and I spent the next several hours watching it. (So good! I love Sheldon..)

And then, for the main part.. There was a party at B-House (B-House = Bulgaria House) tonight, so Rita and I showed up somewhere around 11.30. There weren't many people I knew there, so I mostly sat around awkwardly and tried not to follow Rita like a puppy.

Apparently, though, being a wallflower is intriguing to some guys, because I got hit on. By a sweet, kinda cute junior.

Hrmmmm.

I don't usually go for younger guys, but he was really sweet, and pretty interesting, and pretty into me. (I'm not being an egotist; he kept telling Rita how pretty I was and how he just wanted to talk with me and dance with me and stuff.) I feel a little bad, because (a) I'm not good in situations where I don't know most of the group, and (b) I think he may have felt like I was blowing him off because I didn't want to dance. (I DID want to dance! I just.. I'm too self-conscious to dance when no one else is dancing. Because really, it was just the two of us, and everyone else was sitting down.) He retreated outside a little while later to smoke (ew!) with some people, and I wanted so badly to join him without being obvious.. So I followed Rita out there, haha. And he seemed glad to see me, and asked me to sit down and chat with him, so I did. And it was nice, until we went back inside to escape from some drunken people and I lost him. I got trapped into conversations with other people and couldn't find an excuse to go talk to him again, even though he was literally sitting right next to me. I didn't really get a chance to talk to him for the rest of the night, because he left soon after.


Pros: Interesting, nice, intelligent, tall, seems to like me, kinda cute (not my usual type, but not bad), philosophy major (I like philosophy).
Cons: Younger than me, smoker (I could forgive it if I really grew to like him, but I still don't care for it), don't really know him.

GAH. I'm over-thinking this. A lot. I know I am. It's a guy I met once, and I never gave him (or anyone) any indication that I was really interested in him. (Because I'm not. Am I? I don't know..)

Grr. Argh. Why am I so passive?

I did send him a friend request on Facebook though, so..maybe? Who knows? Gah. Whatever.


Sleep now. We blew a fuse or something in our house, so the only rooms with any power are my room and my bathroom. Our landlord is sending someone over tomorrow (today?) morning, so I should probably sleep so I can be awake enough to talk to him tomorrow.