"There's nothing in motion and I'm satisfied / No disappointment until I wake up / I don't wanna wake up.."

Music: Dishwalla - Until I Wake Up
Mood: confused

(Sooooooo pretty! Courtesy of the Chosun Ilbo.)

Today, I found myself in a dilemma.


It's been awhile since I've updated this blog, so here's what's going on:


Two weeks ago, I joined an online dating site as a joke. Turns out, I'm extremely popular there. Although I've received messages from dozens of guys, there are two that have stood out to me, and it is these two guys with whom I have spent the most time talking.



One day after I signed up, I received a message from a super cute, really interesting guy whom we'll call Yogi. We talked for 12 hours straight the day we met, on topics ranging from old-school Nickelodeon shows (Are You Afraid of the Dark and Legens of the Hidden Temple primarily) to travel to our fears, and eventually exchanged phone numbers. We texted each other the entire next day, and almost all of the day after that, and at some point he asked me out on a date. By this time I was smitten, so I said yes.

A day or two later, I received a message from a Korean guy (born in Korea, grew up in the States) living in Chicago (whom we'll call Kip) who was really intrigued and excited that I'm learning Korean. He and I talked about it for a long time, as well as a number of other random things, and within a few days we exchanged Facebook information. (Or rather, he found me and friended me and I accepted after joking about being stalked by him.) From there, we moved on to AIM, where most of our interactions have taken place. We've also spoken on the phone a few times, since he has made it his mission to help me improve my speaking.


Here is my dilemma. I really, REALLY like Yogi. He's tall, he's gorgeous, he's funny, he wants to be an elementary school teacher, we have a lot of weird things in common (lactose intolerance, being super ticklish, etc), and we clicked immediately. Also, he's super interested in me and has made no secret of it.

Yogi and I have a date coming up this Saturday. I have been super excited about it since he first asked me out, as has he. We've had the whole thing planned out since the moment he asked me, and I can already tell it's going to go well.


On the other hand, I'm quickly becoming very fast friends with Kip. He's energetic, quirky, tons of fun, and has impeccable taste in music. Plus, he's smart and not at all bad-looking.

The only problem is, I think Kip may be developing feelings for me. While I am, on the one hand, flattered, on the other hand I'm concerned that I may have been leading him on. We talk all the time about really random things, and have already created our own long-running in-joke about how our friendship is precious and we shouldn't do anything to jeopardize it.

Kip and I have also decided to meet up over Thanksgiving break to go ice-skating and to let me have some face-to-face instruction from him in Korean. It's going to be a lot of fun, but I'm concerned that he may read it as a date. (Neither of us have labeled it as such, but that was my first thought upon making the plans.)

Still, there are things Kip says that indicate to me that he has developed some sort of feelings towards me. I always inform people that I'm awesome and adorable (partially because I am, but mostly because it's funny in the context of whatever conversation we're having), and recently he has begun to agree with me. This wouldn't be so unusual if he didn't do it in such a..well, an obvious way.

To wit:

Kip: "I'm gonna sleep. I am now expecting from you the nicest, the most sincere, and sweetest bye ever. Go!"

Me: [insert goodbye of awesome that I don't feel like typing out, with no overly flirtatious elements]

Kip: "Haha! Aww, thanks. That just made my day. Well, good luck on your paper, and sweet dreams! :)"

Me: "Never let it be said that I am anything other than awesome, sweet, and/or adorable. :D"

Kip: "No 'or' its simply 'and' ;)"

Me: "Haha aww, my friends are so nice. :D"

Kip: "Indeed. Well, annyeong!"

It's the last two texts of his I'm particularly concerned with. The last one especially took him quite a while to send, which means that he was thinking about how to word it for quite some time. (His dorm lost power and he was alone in his room, so it's not like he had anything else to occupy him.) I deliberately called him my friend in my last text to him, hoping to indicate that this was how I saw our relationship (my suspicions have been around for a few days), and I don't know if he picked up on it. Probably, because he's a smart guy.

I showed the above exchange to Totes, my roommate from freshman and sophomore year, and she agreed that Kip is definitely interested.


I don't necessarily DISLIKE Kip, and I'm actually fairly certain that I would be developing feelings for him if I hadn't already fallen for Yogi. However, I like Yogi very much, and our date this weekend is very likely to go well, if our compatibility via text and phone conversations is any indication. Thus, it is likely that I will eventually become Yogi's girlfriend (if we can withstand the test of separation over both distance and time, of course).

So, do I say something to Kip now and make it very clear that I'm not interested in anything more than friendship with him? Or do I wait until after my date with Yogi, just in case it doesn't go as well as I think it will? If, for some reason, my date with Yogi DOESN'T go well, would I simply be rebounding onto Kip?


Neither Kip nor Yogi know about each other. I mentioned my upcoming date with Yogi to Kip way back in the beginning of our interactions, before we became real friends, but I haven't mentioned it since, so it's possible he may have either forgotten or simply assumed that the date didn't go anywhere.

I've mentioned Kip to Yogi as well, simply describing him as my Korean language buddy. However, Yogi and I had already discussed the fact that we're only really interested in each other at the moment, so I doubt it's occurred to him to consider Kip as a potential rival.


I feel like such a terrible person for being this way. When did I develop the ability to deceive people like this? Normally I am the most open person in the world, chattering away to anyone who will listen about everything that happens to me. Am I keeping quiet out of concern for hurting one or the other of these guys? Or am I secretly revelling in the attention and hoping to keep it up as long as possible?


Both of these guys are awesome and amazing in completely different ways, and I'm grateful to have met them both. I don't want to hurt either of them, but I know I can't keep this up.


어떻게~? DX