And then Kara's brain exploded from AWESOME!

Music: JJ Lin - 主角 (feat. MACHI) (Leader)
Mood: excited

(Poster for the event fangirled about below. From One Korea.)

OHMYGOD.

October 30th. Chicago.

A concert featuring none other than Brian (ex-Fly to the Sky), Kil Gun, and Soy. (I actually don't know who Soy is, but she's one of the acts.)

..BRIAN!

My love for Brian is fairly quiet and nowhere near as exuberant as my love for his boyband counterparts. Still, I love that kid. I love his voice and his personality and his sense of humour and his darling baby face. I want him to be my ridiculous and embarrassing older brother, and have him introduce me to ridiculous and embarrassing things. Spending time with him would be a laugh a minute.

For those of you who don't know, Brian was one half of the power duo Fly to the Sky (the other half was Mr. Voice, Hwanhee/Fany). Although he wasn't "the voice" of the group, I've always loved the way he sounds, and I was sad when the duo split up. Apparently I missed his solo release back in 2006, but I recently discovered it and have been listening to it on repeat. He's not a power balladeer, but his vocal talents aren't unrespectable.

Brian is also hilarious. He was born in NYC, so he speaks fluent English (which has gotten less fluent the longer he's lived in Korea), and he has a silly sense of humour.

And now, he's holding a concert in the States. In Chicago. The day before Halloween. FOR FREE.

Kil Gun is also going to be there, and while I'm not really familiar with her work, what I have heard is AMAZING. That lady's got a killer voice, and awesome dance moves.

(I have no idea who Soy is, so let's just move on.)

..I am SO GOING.

There's also an after party at a club in downtown Chicago, and JayJ and I have already decided we're going to that too. I doubt we'll see Brian there (there's both a private and a public section of the club, and he'll probably be in the former), but it'll be exciting to even have a possibility of seeing him there. And even if we don't see him, clubbing is fun!

I don't know who else I'd get to go with me, though. JayJ can't make it to the concert, and I don't want to go alone, but the only other person I can think of who might be interested is Mae, and she's in Korea (lucky whore). I might be able to convince Ginger to come, if only for the after party aspect (she used to go clubbing in Japan and misses it), but I'm not sure. Princess is another possibility, but her medication means she can't drink, and she doesn't really know anything about Kpop beyond TVXQ.

It's less than a week until the concert, though, so I really need to start asking people.


..not right now, though. Right now I need to finish my history paper which is due tomorrow.

(Code)names to remember

Since I've taken to using codenames in my blog posts, I think it's only fair to provide a rundown of these people so you guys don't get confused.

Alphabetized by codename. Click on the name for the first mention of this person in this blog. If there's no link, it means I haven't written about them yet. No worries, I'll probably mention them sooner or later.

(Note that not everyone has a codename. This is probably because I'm lazy.)


Battle Axe - Bear's friend. Used to go to my uni, then transferred to the other one in town. Nice, but loud and lacking a tense of tact or appropriateness. Has a crush on Mezzo.

Bear - Casually dated my old roommate for awhile. I met him again a year later, then went on one date with him. Despite interest on his part, I felt nothing and let it die.

Cheese - My friend who is possibly an even pickier eater than I am. Crazy fun and a barrel of laughs. She graduated the year before me, but I still keep in touch with her.

Ginger - My first friend from uni, whom I stalked on facebook before we even moved in freshman year. She became one of my best friends since that day, and I often confide in her about things I can't tell to anyone else. Roomed with JayJ during sophomore year, and planning on rooming with her again next semester.

Hawkeye - A classmate I developed a mild crush on. Younger than me, but cute. Not much else to say at the moment.

Hyunwoo Sun - Not actually a person in my life, but a fellow language-addict from Korea whose Twitter and various blogs I follow. He's crazy awesome with the languages, and I hope to be even partially as awesome as him in the future.

Jang Ji-young - My Korean teacher during uni. She only teaches on Saturdays, but I enjoy talking to her, and I find her Iranian husband and halfie children fascinating.

JayJ - Gorgeous Korean-American friend who has introduced me to a lot of Korean culture. Currently student teaching in Chicago. Roomed with Ginger during sophomore year, and planning on rooming with her again next semester.

Kip - Korean guy living in Chicago I met through an online dating site. Quirky and fun, and quickly becoming one of my good friends. May have developed feelings for me; I'm still trying to decide how to react. We have a meet-up planned for Thanksgiving break.

Lutze - My favourite professor from uni for a multitude of reasons. His history classes are the highlight of my college career. My goal is to make him proud of me one day.

Mae - Filipino-American friend who I introduced to Kpop way back in the day. I apparently created a monster, because she's more Kpop-obsessed than I am. (I'm more culturally focused, whereas she's more POP-culturally focused.) Currently studying abroad in Korea.

Mezzo - Mezzo-soprano double degree (Music/History) friend from uni. Quirky sense of humour and a tendency to take on way too much stuff. Despite her tendency to whine, she's one of my good friends and I can't imagine college without her.

Penelope/Penny - The purple bicycle my father bought me for my senior year of uni. I haven't had a chance to ride her much yet due to the rain and icky cold, but I intend to do so before it gets icy.

Philosopher - Younger guy I met at a party. I was emotionally moved, but his (sort of) rejection of me via Facebook made me bitter for awhile. I have since gotten over it.

Princess - My best friend since the end of freshman year/beginning of sophomore year. She had some issues during junioir year of uni and had to transfer closer to home, but we still see each other every couple of months.

Rita - My current housemate, and a close friend I've known since freshman year. A little flighty and drama-ridden, but entertaining. She's just as cuddly as I am, which is a plus. Best friends with Snake.

Snake - The housemate I'm quickly growing to hate. She's Rita's best friend, and I only agreed to rent a house with her because I wanted to live with Rita. Probably has no idea how much I dislike her. I'm trying not to let her ruin my senior year.

Springwood - An excellent professor from uni. His offhand declaration that I will write a bestselling novel or award-winning screenplay has spurred me to improve my writing and hopefully get published. This amuses me because he's an anthropology professor.

Totes - My Vocal Performance major roommate from freshman and sophomore year, with whom I share a ridiculous amount in common. Had some emotional issues during junior year which caused her to transfer to a uni closer to home. I don't keep in touch with her nearly as much as I should. Her mother and mine are now close friends. So codenamed due to an inside joke. (Rhymes with "goats.")

Violinist - Princess' roommate for junior year. Violinist is a year younger than us, but very sweet. I had Japanese classes with her boyfriend for a year, and now am in one of Lutze's history classes with her.

Whittles - My roommate from junior year. Awesomely brilliant English major who went to New York to do a publishing course post-graduation. Also, TALL. She introduced me to Doctor Who and BBC dramas, and I repaid the favour by introducing her to Korean dramas. I think it was an even trade.

Yogi - Awesome guy I met through an online dating site. We talked to each other for 12 hours straight when we met, and soon arranged a date. (Will be updated after our date.)

Reason #478954798435039 why I'd rather live alone

Music: Casker - 향 (Scent)
Mood: annoyed

(JJ wants to try living in these houses one day. I'd like to join him.)

I have a pet peeve. This pet peeve has a name. It's called Snake.

..okay, so Snake is one of my housemates. (Codename derived from one of those name meaning websites.)

Seriously, she drives me craaaaaaaaazy.

Fickle is as fickle does..

Watching: Bones, "The Man In the SUV" (there's a Bones marathon on right now)
Mood: concerned

(I find persimmons disgusting, but I like this picture. From the Chosun Ilbo.)

Hrm. Dilemma.

I didn't see Bear at all last weekend because I had a paper for anthropology which kept me busy. And honestly, I was glad of it.

It's exhausting, avoiding people. And I have no rational reason for avoiding him except that I have absolutely no interest in this and I don't want to lead him on or anything.

So, back to my dilemma.

He texted me sometime today, asking how I would feel if he cooked dinner for me this coming Friday.

..how do I let him down easy? I don't want to hurt him, because he's a nice guy, but I don't want to make him hate me.

I suck at confrontation. Gah.


Besides, I'm developing a crush on another guy. And by "developing," I mean "have already developed."

It's a mild crush, considering we've only ever really interacted two or three times. He's in my history class, and he sits directly across the room from me (we're arranged in a semi-circle). I always catch him looking in my direction, and while sometimes I know he's looking at me (it's a natural human reaction, since I watch people too), I don't know if it's deliberate or just his attention wandering.

But anyway. We were paired up in class together last week to prepare for a class discussion on a document, and he seems really nice. I feel like he's shy too, haha. :P And yesterday when I was working on my anthro paper in the library, he was there working on the history paper we have due on Friday. I didn't realize it was him when I sat down (he was facing away from me and had changed his shirt since class that morning), but he recognized me and came over to say hello. We even chatted for a little while about our papers, and then quietly settled into companionable silence near each other as we worked.

We also passed each other on the sidewalk today. He was walking with another girl (they didn't seem overly close, so I'm guessing they're just friends), but we smiled and said hi to each other before going on our way.

I don't know. He's younger than me, but he's cute, and he speaks up in class more than I do. Violinist has another class with him, and she says he's really nice. (I also think he's a transfer student, because I'd never seen him before this year. Hrm.)

Whatevs. I doubt anything will come of it. This is just me being me.

However, just for the sake of my love of code names, and because I'll probably mention him at least once more before the end of the semester, I'm going to dub him..Hawkeye. (I don't know him well enough to give him a distinctive one of his own, so I resorted to this Codename Generator. I know, I'm lame awesome.)

1st Thoughts: "sex" vs. "making love"

Music: 이승기 (Lee Seung-gi) - 꽃처럼 (Like a Flower)

Mood: thoughtful

(You know you like it.)

Ever since my "date" with Bear, I've been trying not to think too much. I still don't know how I feel about him, and I tend to retreat into myself in uncomfortable situations like that. This is a terrible habit of mine, and one I'm working to break, but in the meantime I'm probably alienating a lot of people (including Bear).

I'm starting to think I don't want to pursue anything with him. It's not that I don't enjoy hanging out with him, but I don't really feel anything towards him when I'm not in his immediate vicinity.

I could see myself living a life with him, but it wouldn't be a very exciting life, and it would mean giving up several things which are important to me (all of which require moving to Korea after graduation). I don't want to do that for anyone.. If I'm not happy with myself, how can I be happy with someone else?

I don't know. Maybe I'll change my mind later, but that's how I'm feeling right now. In fact, I'm even sneakily pre-loading my weekend schedule so I can feasibly claim to be too busy if/when he wants to hang out again.

I'm a terrible person.

But is it wrong that I want passion and excitement? I want to be swept off my feet. I want drama and fights and making up and adventures and miscommunication, not a slow courtship. I often joke to Rita that I'll start out hating my future husband and eventually be won over by him as we're thrown together again and again, but I'm starting to think that it's true. (Perhaps I've been watching too many Korean dramas, but I was like this even back in high school.)


On the subject of Bear, a little while ago I recalled something he had said during our "date".. I don't remember what we were talking about, but the topic of sex came up very casually (no insinuations or anything, but it was related to our discussion at the time). I don't have a problem with this, but he referred to it as "making love."

.."making love."

..is it wrong that I don't like that turn of phrase?

As a female, I'm supposed to prefer that over the more "vulgar" term "sex"--at least, people tell me I should. But that's not the case at all. I hate that term. Why not just call it like it is? Sex is vulgar. It's two people (or three or four or twenty) grunting and sweating and fusing their bodies for a brief span of time as they swap bodily fluids and (hopefully) get each other (or at least themselves) off. It's not a terribly beautiful act. Fun, yes. Energizing and exhausting, yes. Intimate, sure--in the same way that sharing any information about your bodily functions is intimate. Just because I'm comfortable enough with you to divulge all the details and secrets of, say, my menstrual cycle doesn't make it beautiful.

I suppose the "beauty" aspect comes in because you're supposed to be revealing your most vulnerable, naked self (both literally and figuratively). For some people, this may be true, but I have never felt particularly vulnerable when engaging in sexual acts.

Perhaps this makes me sound like I'm promiscuous. I'm not at all. In fact, I'm more of a "prude" (to paraphrase my mother) than most people I know. I've had two partners in my life. (I'll probably discuss both of them in a later entry, since they helped shape who I am.) Neither one has made me feel like sex was anything other than a fun, recreational activity. Sure, I liked the guys--I never would've slept with them otherwise--but I never felt a deeper connection with them while mid-coitus than otherwise. (Perhaps I just haven't been with the right guy, but that's a thought for another day.)

For me, sex is a bonus of relationships--I don't need it. I'd like it, sure, but it's not my first priority. In fact, I tend to withhold it rather than sleep around, because it encourages guys to get to know me first instead of just going straight for my pants. If they're unwilling to go through that step, then obviously they're not worth my time. Besides, "making love" is just such an awkward term. You don't make love through sex; you make love through an emotional connection with another person. I'm more tactile than most people, but even I will be the first to tell you that my emotions have little to do with my sense of touch or a person's ability to make me orgasm.

What does all of this have to do with Bear? To be honest, nothing really. It's just that I suddenly recalled what he'd said, and it made me think.

This is also the first time I've ever expressed my opinion on this subject, so it may not be entirely coherent. I apologize if this is the case.

A day in the life -- Take 1

Music: SHINee - Ring Ding Dong

Mood: all over the place

(Most cracktastically awesome show ever.)

Yesterday was a narcoleptic day.

My anthropology class is (finally!) back in session, so I had class at 9.30 in the morning. I'm not used to waking up that early anymore, so I was a few minutes late for class. A lot of other people were apparently having the same problem, though, so I wasn't the only one.

Afterwards, I decided to go to the library to work on my anthropology paper (I have to read a book and do a critical review of it). 20 minutes after I entered the library, I laid my head down..and woke up 2 hours later. Wow.

So I went back home to eat lunch and hopefully get back to work on my paper. Unfortunately, I discovered a Doctor Who marathon on BBC America. Whittles is a huge fan of Doctor Who, but I'd always avoided it--I have too many addictions already. Still, it was so wonderfully cheesy, and David Tennant is so dorkily awesome that I couldn't tear my eyes away.

Rita eventually joined me and suggested we go clothes shopping.. We went to the mall for pajama pants, but I got a cute zebra-esque top for going out instead. (Now I just need to get a cute black jacket to go with it and I'll be all set for fall!)

After we came back home, we made some pizza, then turned on the Disney channel to watch Aladdin. Damn, I love that movie. You wouldn't have guessed that if you'd seen me, though, because I fell asleep just after Aladdin wishes to be a prince. I didn't wake up until the end of the movie, when Rita decided she needed to go to the library, and I fell asleep again immediately after she left. I then slept for the next two hours.

I'm not sure why I was so tired all day.. I didn't miss much sleep the night before.


Today I have my midterm for Chinese.. I should probably be studying, but instead I'm watching the magic that is Wife Swap. Trashy families, yay~

"What will it take to make or break this hint of love? / Only time.."

Music: Owl City - The Saltwater Room
Mood: giddy

("In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.")

Took Bear up on his offer and went to go hang out at Battle Axe's apartment (where Bear is staying for the weekend) to watch a movie and stuff.

There was fun, laughter, conversation, singing, and Boondock Saints.

He also finally put his arm around my shoulders, 1 1/2 hours after I got there.

It stayed there for another hour.

He drove me home at around 1am.

Walked me to the door like a gentleman.

And asked permission to kiss me goodnight.

I said yes.

..his lips are soft.